Thursday, July 17, 2025

108 — VOLUME TWO: Starting Where I Am Again! (July 4, 2024)

    We returned from living in Israel two months ago.  Since then, we have been asked, “What is it like there?  Is it nice?  Weren’t you worried?  Of course, you came back because of the war--didn’t you?  What do you think of Netanyahu?  What do Israelis think of Netanyahu, the war with Hamas, Iran, what about the Haredi Jews, are you Orthodox?”, etc.

I think about these things all the time too, but I don’t have a good answer for any of these.  I can say that whatever opinion or answer is stated is…somehow wrong!  You just have to be there and then you still can’t give a good answer—neither can I.  Anything I say—I would say is somehow wrong!

To quote a lyric from a Groucho Marx routine, “Whatever it is — I’m against it!” www.youtu.be/3cKUppyjJuw

All I can tell you is what I experienced.  And when it comes to what I have experienced in life, all I can tell you is what happened to me and my perspective on that.  As the days go by, my perspective on what I experienced changes—so, I reserve the right to disagree with myself, whether it is what I have already written, or what I am about to write as once again pick up my metaphorical pen and put it to paper.  

I share these things with you to give you a window into my experiences.  You will have your own thoughts about my rhyme, reason or resolution.

 I have been away from writing my story for almost a decade, and I fully intended to start writing again after making Aliyah (“to go up” — refers to Jews living in the Diaspora immigrating to Israel).  Then there was the medical emergency that overturned our lives in Israel and led to our return to the USA for treatment.  

It started with a simple trip and fall on the bumpy sidewalk in front of our Jerusalem apartment.  Pegi simply tripped and fell.  What should have been a run of the mill treatment for a broken shoulder turned into a major metabolic crisis and the necessity to seek specialized treatment back in the USA.  The details are really unimportant.  The overall impact was the not the shattering of a few bones which could be repaired, but the shattering of a shared dream of no longer wandering--finding our home in Israel after 48 years of marriage.  That dream was shattered. But Pegi is my dream and she is my home!

So, here we are in Newnan, Georgia—about 40 minutes south of Atlanta.  What does it all mean?  I don’t know, but it makes to sense to me that if we go back and look at how we got here, we can begin to see what our future here may hold.  So, I plan to go back to describing my wanderings with the hope of discovering the questions that might illuminate some answers.  Whatever I discover—I reserve the right to disagree.  “Whatever it is, I’m against it!”

 —————————-



Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Well, it took another 11 months to actually get back to writing!  It isn’t so easy to get your life up and running when you are in your mid-70s!  There were a lot of doctors’ appointments and physical therapy sessions, but Pegi is making substantial progress in recovering from surgery on both shoulders.  And there has been a lot of activity wrapping up our lives in Israel and reestablishing ourselves in a Georgia near our daughter and grandson.

So, enough excuses, it is time to get back to the story!

And just as I wrote the last line, I got another the almost daily warnings of rocket and missile fire threatening our residence in Jerusalem—probably the Houthis in Yemen again!

Monday, July 14, 2025

107 — Leaving Africa: 🎶 “Hello, I Must Be Going!” 🎶 (Nov 1986) END OF VOLUME ONE

    One of my favorite Groucho Marx scenes was from the movie, Animal Crackers (1930). Groucho is introduced as “Captain Spaulding, the African explorer” singing “Hello, I Must Be Going” written by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby:  https://youtu.be/hmuiyUtVQ1M

[Groucho Marx]

Hello, I must be going

I cannot stay, I came to say, "I must be going"

I'm glad I came but just the same I must be going, la-la!


[Margaret Dumont]


For my sake you must stay

If you should go away

You'll spoil this party I am throwing!


[Groucho Marx]


I'll stay a week or two

I'll stay the summer through

But I am telling you:

I must be going


[Party guests]


Before you go

Won't you oblige us

And tell us all your deeds so glowing?


[Groucho]


I'll do anything you say!

In fact, I'll even stay!


[Party Guests]


Good!


[Groucho Marx]


But I must be going!


As we said our goodbyes in Zimbabwe, there was an outpouring of appreciation as if we were the famed “African explorers.”  There was a last minute expression of the desire for us to stay.  We were part of a community in Zimbabwe that was sad to see us leaving.  We loved our role in this community and had hoped to continue on, but the curtain had closed on this act of our lives.  So, we could only say. “We must be going.”  

Ever since my parents divorced, I had felt that I was neither fully my mother’s or my father’s son.  Their split had shattered my nascent childhood sense of identity.  Who was I?  I was a child feeling the strain of my mother’s secular Jewish identity and my father’s traditional Jewish identity.  Neither of them were committed to their identities.  My mother considered herself Jewish secular/agnostic, and my father, although brought up as an Orthodox Jew, was not engaged with the traditional Jewish life he claimed.  But what was I?  

My mother remarried when I was in 4th grade.  I was transplanted from my home, friends and school in the middle of the school year, across town, to live with a man and his three children whom I met for the first time at the wedding ceremony.  My new “brother” (an athlete and straight-A student) was 4 years older than me.  I now had two sisters, one a year older than me and the other 3 years younger.  This new family seemed even less interested in their Jewish identity than my secular/agnostic mother!  My childhood sense of identity felt broken.  I was the Wasserman boy living with the Loeb family.  My tiny community of neighborhood friends, Cub Scouts and school mates were a 20-minute car ride away and the car wasn’t heading in that direction!  I felt disconnected from my sense of self and my sense of community.  Even my mother was now “Mrs. Loeb.”  My maternal grandmother, Lee Levy, had lived with us in our old house.  Now, even she was across town in an apartment.  I didn’t feel like I belonged in this new family and so several times a week I would run away.  Actually, I only grabbed a bunch of cookies and hung out at a nearby stream.  I would head home before anyone even noticed I was gone and thought to look for me!  No one seemed to hear me saying, “Hello, I must be going!”  [See chapter 17 - ♪♪ On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin ♪♪]

In my mid-teens my mother would send me to meet with a psychologist to determine if I was showing symptoms of my father’s bipolar condition.  I was shown a bunch of Rorschach inkblot cards and asked to describe what I saw.  All of them looked like squished butterflies.  I didn’t  see anything in them other than blotches of ink.  Apparently this “passed” the test!  I wasn’t bipolar!  Neither the psychologist nor my mother seemed to consider the impact that the divorce had on my sense of identity.  I wasn’t my father, neither was I my mother.  

I began this story with my search for meaning and purpose in life as a 17 year old freshman at University of Wisconsin.  And, if there was a meaning/purpose for life, that meant there must be a meaning/purpose maker.  My first question had been whether there was a meaning/purpose maker/giver, what we generally call God.  I knew I existed, but did God exist?  And if God existed, how could I connect with Him?

So, here I was again nearly three decades later at 38 and all I could say was “Hello, I must be going!”  But, this time I had a greater sense of identity and had developed a connection to what I understood to be the ultimate meaning/purpose maker/giver—God.  Pegi and I had come from different worlds to create this new life together.  We were only beginning what would be a lifelong journey.  We had a lot to experience and even more to learn, but we were confident that we were on a trajectory that would lead us closer and closer to Him. No matter our failings (bunches!), we were walking a path with meaning and purpose.  Is there anything that I would do differently?  Oh yeah!  We had both stepped in some stuff that it would take decades to scrape off.  However, it wasn’t important where we had been or how we had gotten to this point.  What mattered was where we were heading.

In spite of all the obstacles we had faced in wanderings that had brought us to this time and place, we had accomplished something of value in Zimbabwe.  We had much to be thankful for in our ten years of marriage, but our time in Africa was over.  So, confident in our identity and envisioning more of God in our future, Pegi, Abi and I said farewell to our friends.  I wondered what we would discover as we continued our journey.

---------------------------

END OF VOLUME ONE

Tuesday, July 8, 2025

106 — The Northern Wasteland

Dave Broom had a contact who lived north of Zimbabwe in Zambia (formerly Northern Rhodesia).  Vijay was an Indian Christian businessman living in Lusaka, the capital.  He was the chairman of 32 companies and was a “prayer partner” with President Kenneth Kaunda who had been leading Zambia since independence.  Zambia had been an African-led socialist nation since the British granted in independence in the 1964.  It had been a major staging base for Marxist guerrillas into Rhodesia from the mid-60s until 1979.  Its main industries had been white-run agriculture and mining. It was sparsely populated compared to Southern Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) under white minority rule. So, by 1986 there were few whites left and the economy was in tatters.  What little government there was depended on bribery.  The roads were in terrible condition.  The main highways were paved, but there was no apron to pull off the side of the road in case of a breakdown.  You could break your axle if you pulled off the pavement. There were bandits everywhere and roadblocks aplenty.  Sometimes these were police roadblocks, but they were bandits with badges.  You had to be prepared to pay bribes to pass through.  

There were many opportunities for ministry and Vijay had been trying to recruit evangelistic ministries such as Dave Broom’s to appoint representatives who would take up residency in Zambia to promote Christian education for those who responded to their evangelistic events. Dave suggested that Vijay would be eager to help establish and fund our ministry efforts in Zambia.  We decided to drive to Lusaka and investigate the prospects for us there since it was becoming increasingly obvious that our days in Zimbabwe were over.

So, we loaded up the car with a month’s supply of baby food.  Dave cautioned us that none was available in Zambia.  Indeed, when we visited a grocery store in Lusaka there was nothing at all on any of the shelves except for some suspicious looking cucumbers—and not many of them! Pegi and I put 6-month old Abi in her carseat and began our exploratory journey that we expected to take about three weeks.

We arrived at the border to clear immigration as visitors.  We had gotten visas at the Zambia embassy in Harare, so our paperwork was in order.  We had crossed the border between Zimbabwe and South Africa 12 times in the last three years, so had some idea of what to expect from immigration and customs bureaucrats in southern Africa.  As we left the Zimbabwe side and approached the Zambian border post, we were shocked out its condition.  It was in bad repair.  It seemed that no one had done any maintenance on it in at least 20 years.  The main office was a shambles with three or four men in worn and filthy uniforms.  The place was shabby with worn out furniture.  The “officials” were sullen and reluctant to help us.  It seemed that we were their only ones seeking entry and they were clearly surprised that we were white.  Apparently, few Europeans (whites) frequented their border post.  After all, why would someone really want to visit Zambia.  It was poor, depressed, and there seemed to be a pall of gloom in the air. 

Nevertheless, the border guards were hesitant to give us passage.  They told us that cholera was a problem and that we needed to be vaccinated.  We showed them proof that Pegi and I had been vaccinated, but they wanted to inject Abi with a big ugly syringe.  Anticipating this before leaving Harare, a doctor had advised us that since Abi was nursing, she shared Pegi’s immunity.  We refused the vaccination.  The officials weren’t happy, but put away the big ugly syringe.

Then they wanted to do a customs inspection and asked us to open our trunk.  In it were a couple of suitcases with clothes and that carton of baby food that we had purchased in South Africa.  They wanted to know if we were smuggling in baby food to sell in Zambia.  I explained that the food was for Abi as we expected to stay in Zambia for 3-4 weeks.  They finally gave up when it became obvious that we were not going to offer them a bribe.  They made us pay an entry fee of $2 per person and sent us on our way.  $2 was probably equal to a week’s pay.

The road to Lusaka was lonely. It had a fresh coat of blacktop, but that pavement had a drop off of about a half a foot.  That meant that if you pulled off the road, it was like going down a step. You could pull off the road, but you could damage your undercarriage if you tried to get back on.  Traffic was scarce and the only stops we made were at checkpoints.  We had been warned that some roadblocks were not police, but bandits posing as police.  Police and bandits expected bribes to get through and so we had to stop several times for “inspections.”  

We were driving a used Peugeot 504 that we purchased for R3600 (about $2200 at the time) from a retired KLM pilot in South Africa.  It had South African registration and plates.  This was before black majority rule in South Africa and apartheid was still a huge issue.  Nevertheless, we got through the checkpoints without paying bribes or being hassled too much.

The unexpected complication was related to the electrical system in our car.  In the middle of a downpour, our windshield wipers stopped working, followed by our A/C, radio/CD player and interior lights.  It was daytime so we didn’t need headlights and we drove miles at a time without  encountering another vehicle.  But I was worried that if we turned off the engine, we might not be able to start it again.  The car was diesel powered, so it was realistic to leave the engine running.  

We reached the outskirts of Lusaka but we had no map of the city.  I left the car running as I used the public phone at a petrol stop to call Vijay for directions to his home.  I explained that we were having trouble with our car.  He replied that he would come and meet us so we could follow him back to his house.  He arrived a few minutes later in a shiny new Mercedes sedan—one of five that that he had for his personal use.  Leaving our car running, he had one of his employees take our car to have it repaired for us.  [Two days later it was returned to us with a new alternator and a repair made to the driver’s seat.  It kept collapsing backwards on me and I had used suitcases to keep it upright.]

As we entered the gate to his property, the five Mercedes sitting in his driveway were matched by the beautiful two story home that sat on about an acre of carefully planted gardens.  We were shown into a expensively furnished home.  As we sat down for a snack and tea, servants took our suitcases out to the pool house where we would be staying.  

Vijay and his wife were excited to have us visiting and he enthusiastically suggested how we could have unhindered opportunities for ministry.  They were part of a tiny Indian community but as evangelical Christians, they had a lonely existence.  Vijay met regularly with Christian businessmen and government officials who struggled to attract evangelical missionaries and ministries to plant themselves in Zambia.  He had the resources and connections to get us residence visas within a few days and we could develop our ministry however we desired.  

There would be no need to prove ourselves to other established ministries as we had struggled in Zimbabwe.  It didn’t seem that there was any significant interest in resident ministry.  The Zambian Christian community was neglected.  The only interest was from outside ministries like Dave Broom’s providing periodic major evangelistic events.  These events were great at stimulating interest in Christianity, but didn’t provide guidance living a God-centered life.  The evangelist “rock stars” drew crowds, but there was no system of followup, growth and discipleship.

Vijay was eager to facilitate and support our ministry.  He realized that we needed a home first of all—a place to raise Abi and to share a place in the community.  In the coming days he would take us to look at homes in the community that he owned or could lease for us.  But, we were exhausted from the trip.  After a luscious Indian-style dinner, we retired to the richly furnished and appointed pool-house for the night. It seemed like a dream compared to the struggles we had in Zimbabwe.  

The next morning after a lavish breakfast, the shine of promise began to show some tarnish.  There had been a fresh pitcher of water in the bathroom.  I had considered that thoughtful.  It was at breakfast that we were cautioned, “Only drink the water in the pitcher.  Never drink the tap water because of cholera!”  Yipes!  Pegi and I had brushed our teeth and rinsed with tap water.  I didn’t remember swallowing — I hoped!

Vijay wanted to give us a local tour to see what life was like, so Pegi, Abi and I climbed in his Mercedes.  As we exited, I noticed that there was a wall about 12 feet high all around the property.  Such things were common in southern Africa as a protection from petty thieves.  This wall had several inches of broken glass on the top.  That was kind of ominous!  The front gate was made of sheet metal and there was a full-time guard stationed there.  

It seemed as if Lusaka itself was deserted.  We visited a grocery store to find it essentially empty except for some very stale brown bread and a few pitiful cucumbers.  The butcher’s section had a full staff, but no meat!  Vijay then took us to an Indian-owned bodega that had a wide variety of products, including many that were not available in Zimbabwe.  They were imported primarily from South Africa.  Okay, so we could find the items we needed in small quantities at high prices.

The upscale neighborhood where he lived had a number of homes that would be suitable for us, but everything seemed desolate and barren.  There were no crowds on the streets, few cars or trucks on the road and a pall of sadness hung over everything.  Zambia’s golden days as Northern Rhodesia had ended in the 60s with independence, elections for majority rule and followed by “white flight” to Southern Rhodesia which held on to white minority rule until 1980.  Zambia, however, never developed an apartheid-like system with economic sanctions from Britain and the rest of the western world.  Zambia’s copper mines had played out, its agricultural system that had been supervised by whites could not adequately supply the needs of the growing under-educated and untrained African populace.  Zambian socialism had failed and the only sector of the economy that seemed to function was bribery.  If you have seen videos of stark and meaningless life in the Soviet Union of the 1960s . . . well, this was the African version but even more depressing.

Vijay introduced us to one or two black Christians, one of whom was a pastor.  He was sad and joyless.  There was just nothing to be excited about.  It didn’t stimulate our imagination at all.  Sure, there were things that we could do, but there just didn't seem to be any energy or interest from Zambians.  We were in a forlorn wasteland where everyone seemed to have lost their expectation of a better life. 

Returning to Vijay’s home, he said that he would take us to a great Indian restaurant for dinner.  We would be able to leave Abi with several of his female household staff.  They had already been fawning over her, so we felt comfortable being away from her for a few hours.  We knew she would be safe at Vijay’s home with the walls topped with broken glass and an armed guard at the gate.  I am not sure that Pegi was quite as sanguine as I was about that!  As we drove out the gate Vijay instructed the guard forcefully, “Do not open the gate for anyone except me!”  Yeah, maybe I wasn’t so sanguine about this either!

We were welcome, but felt that we would be swallowed up in the starkness of despair.  We couldn’t do this on our own!  There was no one to engage.  I don’t think I could have even gotten an argument started.  I was Jewish—there was always something to argue about!  But, no one seemed to have any interest in living. 

We had seen enough of Zambia.  It had nothing that had attracted us to Rhodesia and Zimbabwe—the people.  Thanking Vijay for his hospitality, we headed back to Harare.  Once we crossed the border, the gray fog lifted from us.  We had connected with Zimbabwe and its people.  If we couldn’t get permission to stay there we would return to the USA and start over again—this time focusing on building a life for Abi.  

We returned to the Broom’s in Harare where we discovered that Patel had called to say that the Minister of Home Affairs was reconsidering our case.  We decided that if we don’t get a positive answer by Thursday, that we will leave.  We were tired of being messed with over this!  We suspected that Patel had used monetary inducements with Minister of Home Affairs before and there is probably some sort of “negotiation” going on that was primarily about his business interests.  Maybe he saw helping us as a way to assuage guilt about the things he had to do for his own business.  

A few days later, Patel called to say that he expected a positive answer “any day now.”  I told him that we had decided to return to the USA.  

We began disconnecting from Zimbabwe.  We gave our Peugeot to Felix.  We found a home for our Cavalier puppy and my 12-string guitar with the Swiss guy who had succeeded me at the Church Growth Support Centre.  We began saying goodbye to the Hess, Silk, Taylor and Broom families who had opened up their homes to us.  

The day before we left, Nyazema, the Headmaster of the Darwindale boarding school where we had often taught the assembled grandchildren of former freedom fighters of ZANU came to say goodbye.  He had been an leader in the insurgent forces that used to raid Rhodesia from Mozambique in 1976 when I had arrived to join the fight against them.   He had become a Christian after the war as he founded a school on an old tobacco farm 20 minutes north of Harare.  There were 800 boy students and a couple dozen teachers—all participants or descendants of the ZANLA forces under Mugabe.  We used to visit them two or three times a month.  The last time we were there, they took us outside to show that the largest building on the campus was now named “The Jeff and Pegi Wasserman Block (building)” alongside other buildings named after revolutionary heroes of the wars for black majority rule.  This was quite an honor! 

St. Mary's Kasawe School -- Darwindale, Zimbabwe

He had heard that we were leaving and drove to the Broom’s house in a beat up clunker of car.  We had to help push it to get it moving again!  He had purchased a 3-piece gray suit as a memorial gift for me.  I didn’t know what to say!

The next morning Dave gave us a ride to the Harare airport.  We cleared customs and were seated in the departure lounge, I called Patel one last time to thank him for his efforts on our behalf.  He said that just that morning he had heard from the Ministry of Home Affairs that the “final decision” had been made on our residence visa.  It had been “turned down.”

That was in November of 1986—ten years after our first arrival at that same airport in November of 1976.  The first decade of our marriage was over.  We said goodbye to Zimbabwe and turned our faces home to Louisville.  The next decade would be Abi’s decade to grow up in her birthplace, Louisville.

105 - No Longer Welcome

    Our El Al flight touched down in Johannesburg, collecting our car and beginning the 12-hour drive to Harare.  We had left a few personal items and our Cavalier Spaniel with Howie and Michele Silk.  We had met Howie and Michele in 1983 and stayed in their home numerous times over the years.  [See 71 - “A Whiter Shade of Pale”] We were surprised to hear that Howie who was a major personality and youth pastor at Rhema, was thinking of leaving his years’s long association with Rhema and the Deuschles.  His affable nature and sense of humor was an essential element of what made Rhema a success, but Tom’s need to be the leader without peer had finally left him uncomfortable and powerless.  I quietly wondered whether Tom’s connection to Casey Treat and his cultish authoritarianism had captured Tom’s soul.  This did not bode well for reappearance in Harare and return to the Church Growth Support Centre.

We knew that the Brooms had left co-ministry with Tom before we had arrived in 1983.  Dave and Maxine Broom were older than the Deuschles and they were locals, not American missionaries.  They had been cofounders of Rhema church several years before and were responsible for many of the members of this European (white) congregation.  They felt forced out by Tom as the Deuschle fame (mostly Bonnie’s) spread. 

We reached out to Tom to let him know that we were back and ready to move forward with the the Church Growth Support Centre, but he didn’t even make time for us!  He had sent in a new arrival in Zimbabwe from Switzerland to manage the school while I was gone.  Since I couldn’t get any time with Tom that first week back, I drove out to the school to reunite with students and staff.  The Swiss guy wasn’t there, but it was as if we no longer were part of the school.  Not much had changed there and it seemed as if the school was already losing steam.  It wasn’t a good feeling.

After about a week with the Silks, we felt abandoned by Tom who still wouldn’t give me the time of day.  Feeling that our presence with the Silks was only exacerbating their deteriorating relationship with Tom, we decided to accept the offer of to stay with the Brooms while we pursued our residence visas through Mr. Patel.  Once we had our residency status resolved, we hoped that Tom would welcome us back.  

The Brooms were still friendly with Tom and Bonnie, but had established their own ministry which was focused on reaching Africans.  Tom had never really developed a vision for reach the 7 million Africans in Zimbabwe.  He was focused on 60-70 thousand remaining white ex-Rhodesians.  So, there wasn’t a pending issue between the Brooms and Deuschles.  From the Broom’s perspective, it was pretty much water under the bridge.  I suspected that Tom saw Dave and Maxine’s separate ministry as a “win.” Once Howie left, then the ministry would be his and no one else would be competing for hegemony over American finance and influence.  

I finally got an “appointment” (!!!) with Tom at the church office.  Rhema didn’t have a church building.  Instead they rented various public venues.  Tom couldn’t be bothered to even stand up to greet me.  Instead, he remained seated behind his desk.  What had happened to the friendship that we had?  And what about the warm connection that Pegi had made with Bonnie?  Had it all been a ruse to “claim” us after we had established ourselves in spite of dismissing us when we had first arrived in 1983?  Or had it been that Casey sent a negative report about us to Tom.  After all, Casey was using Tom and Bonnie’s rising celebrity in southern Africa to support his own rise in the American charismatic scene.  Maybe Tom hadn’t sent us to Seattle to get our input on on what was working for Casey in Seattle.  Maybe we were sent there to get Casey’s input on how to control us!

As I sat in Tom’s office, I felt I was being treated as a recalcitrant teenager who had violated daddy’s standards.  Tom suddenly began accusing me of all kinds of things that made no sense at all.  Somehow, we had gone from being friends and coworkers to suspected interlopers.  After all, he was preeminent in Harare!  How dare we think that we could have participation in his kingdom!

In conversations with Dave and Maxine, we learned of the history of Tom using others to build his ministry success.  Dave and Howie were the two most prominent who were pushed out, but there were many more just like us.  As a matter of fact, we were invited to a meeting with other ex-ministry team members who were trying to establish some sort of communion with Tom.  There were about 20 of us in a private home.  At some point Tom arrived and the chair of the meeting said that they were going to have literal communion with Tom, ie; sharing bread and grape juice.  It just all seemed wrong and we left after refusing to agree to the hidden agenda.

About the same time, Mr. Patel was telling us that our residence permits were running into problems.  The Minister of Home Affairs was “reconsidering our case.”  I began to suspect that he might be looking for some sort of gift (bribe) that Patel was unable to provide and which we would refuse on our behalf.  We kept hearing that the “next week” would bring a resolution.  We had to face the reality that we were no longer welcome in Zimbabwe.